Unfortunately, yes, and it’s more common than almost anything else men don’t talk about. Studies keep telling us the same thing: men’s friendships are vanishing at a rapid rate. But here’s the thing, we didn’t lose the ability to connect, but we lost the structure that used to force connection on to us, like teammates, co-workers, friends in the dorm hallways, that one friend group that just existed without anyone scheduling it.
Nobody plans to end up here. Life gets busy, we get focused on work. The fun extracurricular things vanish. You get married, or you don’t. You get the job, the kids, the mortgage, the responsibilities stacking on top of each other like sandbags. And every one of your friendships that used to run on proximity, practice after practice, the same lunch table, quietly runs out of oxygen once the proximity’s gone. You didn’t do anything wrong. Adult life just isn’t built to manufacture friendship for you the way childhood was, and nobody teaches men how to build it on purpose.
Here’s the part that stings a little. Women, generally, keep rebuilding. They call each other. They plan the trip. They say “I miss you” without it feeling like a threat to their identity. Men mostly don’t, because somewhere along the way we learned that needing people reads as weak, and weak is the one thing we were never allowed to be. So we call it “being busy” instead of what it actually is, which is being alone and not knowing how to fix it without looking like we need fixing.
I want to say this plainly because I don’t think it gets said enough: wanting closeness with other men is not a weird ask. It’s not overly emotional. It’s not “not very manly.” It is, biologically and historically, one of the most natural things a man can want. We just built a culture that makes it awkward to ask for.
The fix isn’t complicated, it’s just uncomfortable the first time. It’s showing up somewhere on purpose, saying the true thing before you’re sure it’s safe to, and doing it again next week even though it felt weird the first time. That’s it. That’s the whole rebuild.
That’s the entire reason our retreats and men’s groups exist, to manufacture on purpose what used to happen by accident. Men, a fire, honesty, and enough time together that the walls actually come down instead of just cracking a little and going back up on the drive home. If the loneliness has been quiet but constant, this is your invitation to do something about it.
Learn more about Alchemy of Men Retreats here: Our next retreat is Oct 22, 2026 in Austin, Texas.
What Josh S. (owns multiple businesses, and has gotten married since he first attended a retreat) said about his experience at The Alchemy of Men Retreat:
“This retreat is incredibly supportive and helpful, exciting at times, hard and difficult, but in the best of ways because nothing worth it doesn’t come with a little bit of struggle, right? To be able just to show up, be me, and open up, I would do it every weekend if I could.
Men aren’t having the kind of conversations we have here. Life is fast-paced, you know. We live in a quick-fix world, so slowing down and stepping off the rat race to have these important conversations makes a difference.
Really living my life to the fullest and experiencing all of it—the sadness, pain, joy, happiness, and excitement—was a big conversation for me this weekend.
I think men should come here if they feel like I did, kind of lost or maybe just dragging, I think I had that experience for a long time, especially since Covid. Sure, I was making some money, and everything was fine, but really, I wasn’t connected to my purpose or what I really wanna be doing out in the world. Look, the worst that could happen is you leave here better than you came, and it’s worth it. It isn’t possible to leave her the same or worse cause there’s so much good accountability and support here—you’re absolutely gonna have a good experience.”-Josh S. (Josh has attended two Alchemy of Men Retreats and The Alchemy of Us Retreat.)