Men gathering together can lend to wildly different experiences with wildly different outcomes. Here, we’ll walk through some of the aspects we believe make a group of men gathering an actual Men’s Group.
A men’s group is a gathering of men who come together for various purposes: connection, unburdening, support, accountability, and friendship. It’s a space where we stop performing and start telling the truth. The leader does their best to eliminate small talk, since it often just pretends to be connection. It can look like a circle of guys who agreed, on purpose, to be honest about the stuff they usually carry alone, and often a place where they practice listening instead of giving advice.
I know what you pictured when you read the words “men’s group.” Maybe a drum circle. Maybe a bunch of guys crying in a room, which, fine, but also rare that everyone is crying, but it’s not the point and it’s definitely not the vibe walking in. What actually happens is a lot closer to sitting around a fire with guys who simply want to connect more with other guys and with themselves.
Here’s the best part: it’s not the moment a man finally shares “I’m struggling.” It’s the nods and acknowledgment from other men saying they get it, that they’ve been through the same thing. That’s the piece that really impacts guys, because isolation convinces you that your specific pain is unique and shameful, and then a room full of men proves it isn’t.
Nobody’s handing you a worksheet on “how to be a better man.” You’re not doing trust falls. What you’re doing is harder and simpler: showing up, saying the true thing instead of the smooth thing, and letting other men see you before you’ve cleaned yourself up for them. For most of us, that’s the first time since childhood that’s happened.
It’s not therapy, though it can be therapeutic. It’s not church, though it can feel sacred. It’s brotherhood, which is its own category, one most men haven’t had access to since the last time they had a genuine best friend and didn’t have to schedule it three weeks out.
If you’re the guy who’s been quietly wondering whether something’s wrong with you because you feel disconnected, restless, successful on paper and empty in the chest, I want you to hear this clearly: nothing is wrong with you. You’ve just been doing this alone, and men were never built to do it alone.
That’s what we built Alchemy of Men for. Not a lecture, not a self-help seminar, a room and a fire and men who show up for each other. If any of this is landing, come see what one or our retreats, men’s groups or Brotherhood & Brew meet ups actually feels like.
-Alex Terranova
www.AlchemyofMenRetreat.com
This is what one of the men says about his experience at The Alchemy of Men Retreat:
“This retreat is empowering.
I’ve been to four of these retreats now. At the first one, I felt stuck; I was looking for purpose and answers. At the second retreat, I learned to choose my right path. During this fourth retreat, I really stepped into leadership and full power.
I don’t think the moves I’m making today would be possible if I hadn’t gone to all those retreats. It’s all a journey, you’re never you’re not at the finish line, but now I’m more confident in pursuing the things that I want, and I have enough of a support system to encourage me to.
One of the benefits of the retreat is that I now have brothers that I can rely on, and I contact them regularly. At home, other people are uncomfortable having deep conversations, but I think these deep conversations are important, and I’m committed to having them because it’s how we build deep, meaningful relationships.
I would definitely recommend it to other men, and I’ll be back for my fifth retreat in June.”-Abraham (to date, he’s been to six retreats, and has started his own Men’s Group, Brotherhood and Brew in Alaska.)